Sad entry

“…Do not by any means destroy yourself, for if you live you may yet have good fortune. But, all the dead are dead alike.” -CS Lewis

I just finished sending a personal project I did to cheer up a friend who said that she’s worried that her depression will kick in while she’s at her favorite boy group’s concert. I want to cheer her up and let her enjoy the event because I hate to think that she’ll be robbed of her chance because of that horrible illness.

I love doing simple artsy projects for friends and I love it when they appreciate things.

But I still feel so so so sad.

I was reading a reddit comment of a suicidal guy who managed to get out of the hell hole and turn his life around. He posted this quote from C.S. Lewis: “…Do not by any means destroy yourself, for if you live you may yet have good fortune. But, all the dead are dead alike.” and I just cried and cried for a good 15 minutes. It was weird, I was okay at first but reading that line made my heart feel so hollow beyond words. I’ve yet to consult if I have any mental illness because seriously, this horrible deadness is eating me alive and making me miserable.

I’m actually hesitant to visit a doctor because I feel so “privileged” to be sick. I have normal and loving family, a considerable amount of good friends, an awesome boyfriend, but something’s still bothering me for the longest time.

Oh well, I don’t wanna rant here about this issue, so yeah~

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