The night is long and there have been many wake up calls even when the darkness hasn’t faded yet. I still haven’t found my torch but the clock is ticking and I’m getting left behind in a place where time stands still. Time to trudge into the woods.


My soul will probably arrive earlier than our car

The engine revs. We nervously take our seats, muttering a silent prayer. Let this be a safe and peaceful drive, Lord.

Mom looks at us from the driver seat, her beaded forehead glistening with nervous sweat. Her eyes are quietly apologizing for making us undergo this ordeal, but thankful we join her in. She assures us we’re going to arrive at our destination, she just can’t tell us when. I fake a chuckle and tell her she’s gonna do good.

It’s her nth time of driving after she received her license, but we are all still nervous. Her worst trait of having none of grace under pressure, which is currently making itself very obvious, is unfortunately passed down to me. She has studied in two driving schools before she got the courage to apply for a license, that’s how nervous and scared she is. When she tries to drive with us inside out subdivision, she always asks us to pray the rosary. Our subdivision is not really that big– a couple of streets here and there, enough for a very new beginner driver to practice. But for the track that can be finished in 15 minutes, my mom sure takes her time because she crosses it in 30-40 minutes. Let’s just say it is always a bumpy ride. With lots of dying engine moments. And also with a sincere prayer from me to let us survive and live after the course.

Before I close my eyes to think of happy thoughts, try my best to dispel any horrible images in my head, and imagine us actually arriving at our destination, I see her touch the red rosary hanging from the mirror. Okay, shit’s gonna get real. We need divine intervention.

Participating in this prompt.

(PS: Hey I love my mom so much, but I really get scared when she drives! Haha)


“Copy. Dito sa maliit na itlog, may manaka-nakang tango.”

Kakaiba language nina kuya UV Driver. Filipino naman, pero di ko maarok? Suki na ko ng PUVs na vans dahil yun ang sinasakyan ko every freaking weekday ng buhay ko this year. Pero anyare, di ko parin gets?

In fairness, ang ganda isipin na, wow, nagmeeting kaya sina kuya (at ate, kung meron man) para mag-set ng sarili nilang codes? Pano kaya nila naestablish na ganito-ganyan ang gagamiting salita as substitutes para sa ganito-ganyan? Nag general assembly kaya sila per chapter tapos votation ng bet nilang codes? May pamphlets na naglalaman ng compilation ng codes-meaning a la dictionary kayang binibigay sa bagong drivers? Paano kaya nila naderive from those words yung gusto nilang codes?

Ang galing lang. Pamilyar tayo sa mga salitang ginagamit nila, pero parang hindi natin makuha ang logic ng mga pangungusap nia binabanggit nila. Na-exclude tayo ng isang komunidad gamit ang sarili nating salita.

“Copy. Dito sa maliit na itlog, may manaka-nakang tango.”

Nung nasabi to ni kuya, isang imagery agad pumasok na isip ko.

Poorly-lit dance studio. Yung ilaw parang yung sa interrogation rooms, yung yellowish light tapos nagsiswing yung light bulb left and right. Biglang may lalaki at babaeng magtatagpo sa gitna ng kwarto. Dahan-dahang lalapit sa isa’t isa, may pilantik ang mga paa sa bawat hakbang. Si kuya, slender at nakapolong itim at slacks. Bukas ang polo nya kaya kita ang medyo may prominent pecs na dibdib. Halatang kinakabahan. Namumuo ang maliliit na butil ng pawis sa may noo, pero hindi niya to pinupunasan. Si ate, balingkinitan, pero kamukha ni Kim Sam Soon. Nakapulang sleeveless na damit, putok na putok ang lipstick, parang mga labi ng mga babaeng nananampal sa mga telenovelas. Ready makipagsagupaan. Matalim ang tingin sa kasama, halatang inip na na magprogress ang sequence ng image sa utak ko.

At dahan-dahan nilang pinaglapit ang kanilang mga kamay. Ramdam ang tensyon. Pawisan na ang mga kamay, pero gusto na matapos ang kaba sa unang entrada. Nang maglapat ang kanilang mga palad at magtagpo ang mga mata, sa isang mabilis na galaw, ay biglang tumingin nang seryoso sa imaginary camera kung saan ako’y nasa likod.

Sabay freeze ng moment.


“Manaka-nakang tango.”

School Schmool (and other depressing things)

I should’ve been out of school for almost 6 months now, but because of life turning around and taking a break in a dank alley before continuing its walk towards graduation, I’m still here and am currently trying to enjoy my (hopefully) last regular semester in college.

At first, I felt like everyone was judging me because I haven’t changed my FB profile picture into a graduation photo yet, but later on I realized that nobody really cares. I’ll be one and a half year late of the Facebook graduation photo essay contest everyone partakes in, and while I still feel conscious and sad about it, I have decided to suck it up and do my own thing because nothing’s gonna change anyway. I am regretful that I kinda took my time for granted in the university and didn’t really participate in the events here nor tried to go out of my way to experience new things so I promised myself at the start of the year that this sem, I will try to enjoy and appreciate and discover it.

Anyway, the year is going great so far! There were many events this week that I was out til almost midnight everyday– my boyfriend’s birthday, dinner with his family, One OK Rock concert, Sunken Garden nacho date. How I wish every week would be as chill as this.

Note to self:

HEEEEY YOU SAID YOU’RE GONNA BLOG AGAIN, STOP WATCHING KDRAMAS AND CLOSE THAT GODDAMN VLC WINDOW SO YOU’LL EX—oh wait, you can also blog about your kdrama reviews. Ha, brilliant, self. But no, don’t do that.


Wrapping up 2015 (and throwing it out in the waste bin)

New Year is still 3 days away but I doubt there’ll be anything super great the next few days that will make me change my perspective from what it is right now. 2015 has been a roller coaster of emotions and year of realizations. I don’t feel any wiser after being almost through with this year, just sadder and more sensitive. I’ve learned a lot of lessons and picked up so many little things that connected the dots and explained bigger mysteries in my personality and life in general.

I tried to scan my Facebook since most of life happenings are recorded there and it’s not really hard to notice that I don’t have much social life. I’m not the type to get invited to board games hang out because I suck at such things, I am not interested in parties because I don’t have 1.) money, 2.) interest in drinking, and 3.) a car or any available transpo 24/7 which is important to include because most parties happen in places far from civilization and public transportation, and I don’t usually get invited in small friend gatherings because I always seem to be that friend who’s one point short in making to your to-be-invited list.

Or maybe I’m just being ungrateful and am basing my interaction on what is posted online.

Anyway, I’ll stop sulking and focus on happy events and walkthroughs in my brain. I will part with you with a happy heart, 2015! (I’m already claiming it so please, don’t make anything bad happen in the last 3 days of the year)

  • It’s been a relatively rough road for me when it comes to relationships because of unmet expectations, compromises,  and insecurities. I’ve been dealing with this particular insecurity for almost 2 years now, and right now I don’t already know if this is pure insecurity or if it has transcended into curiosity and become a part of my life. I’m trying to get it out of my system because it is sucking all the happiness in me so hopefully the new year will bring me an inflatable pool filled with gelatin because I would love to tackle and take down all the negativity in a wrestling match in a Jello pool.
  • 2015 is a year of local comics and books! One of my electives focused on young adult literature and the discussion on comics piqued my interest so I started attending local comic conventions in the city. Every KOMIKON and KOMIKET has been a great experience so far since I discover tons of new artists and get a chance to explore new avenues of expressing literature. Also, it’s cheaper than regular books so I get to hoard more and fool myself that I am actually buying more stuff when in fact each local comics just usually clock at 10-25 pages.
  • Reunions are the bomb! It’s really fun being in the company of those who knew us when we were still in the gross angsty and emo phases of our lives. I got to spend one afternoon with my high school classmates, just catching up and gossiping about other schoolmates, because reunions are the central base of juicy rumors. I’m really happy that we already talk about /slightly/ mature stuff like relationships and commitments and whatnot. If I were to describe our class when we were in high school, our boys would be a bunch of toddlers in over-sized polo shirts and khaki pants playing with their YuGiOh! cards and making pacts among them to swear off girls and treat us like walking slobs of cooties. The girls would be a mixture of walking trees, 12-year old emos who pretend that black rubber bracelets are cool, and noisy turkeys.
  • Yes for reconciliations and new friendships. My guilt list is now cleared because I made up with someone I got into an argument with 3 years ago haha! Yay for buddies, old and new.
  • There are tons of life realizations that I would like to put here but just like everyone who has not yet learned the lesson of not relying to memory, these thoughts came to me during the most random of times and I trusted myself that I would recall it after sometime and haha… I didn’t and don’t.

I sure don’t have a well-documented 2015 and it totally sucks because yes, I am a 20 year old gal who still has not moved on from relying on social media to gauge how much I have enjoyed the past years of my life. The following year will be a big one given that it might be the first Christmas that I won’t be receiving any money from my relatives since it is expected that I have already a job by the end of the year. But let’s see, fam. I can always surprise and am weak enough to be a dead weight for another year. Kidding.